SHIT HAPPENS
A theological look….

Taoism ‘Shit Happens’

Confucionism ‘Confucius says: Shit Happens.’

Buddhism ‘If shit happens, it isn’t really shit.’

Zen ‘What is the sound of shit happening?’

Hinduism ‘This shit happened before.’

Sikhism ‘Leave our shit alone.’

Hare Krishna ‘Shit happens, rama lama ding-dong.’

Islam ‘If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.’

Nation of Islam ‘Don’t take no shit!’

Jehovah’s Witness ‘Knock knock, shit happens.’

Protestantism ‘Let shit happen to someone else.’

Catholocism ‘If shit happens, you deserve it.’

Judaism ‘Why does shit always happen to us?’

Orthodox Judaism ‘So shit happens already.’

Televangelism ‘Send money or shit will happen to you.’

Mormonism ‘Excrement Happens’

Amish ‘Modern shit is useless.’

Baptism ‘We’ll wash the shit right off of you.’

Atheism ‘I don’t beleive this shit.’

Agnosticism ‘What is this shit?’

Rastafarianism ‘Let’s smoke this shit!’

New Age ‘Visualize Shit Happening.’

Shintoism ‘You inherit the shit of your ancestors.’

Hedonism ‘I love it when shit happens.’

Satanism ‘Seppah tihs’

Existentialism ‘What is shit, anyway?’

Scientology ‘If shit happens, see dianetics p. 137’

Darwinism  ’Survival of the Shittiest.’

Mysticism ‘This is really weird shit.’

Voodoo ‘Shit doesn’t just happen - We made it happen.’

Wiccan ‘You can make shit happen, but shit will happen to you three times.’

Capitalism ‘This is MY shit.’

Communism ‘Let’s share this shit.’

Marxism  ’You have nothing to lose but your shit.’

Materialism ‘Whoever dies with the most shit wins.’

Americanism ‘Who gives a shit?’

Conspiract Theorism ‘THEY shit on us!’

Psychoanalysis ‘Tell me about your shit.’

Suicidal ‘I’m sick of this shit.’

Optimism ‘Shit won’t happen to me.’

Feminism ‘Men are shit.’

Trekism ‘To boldly go where no one has shit before.’

Shakespearean  ’To shit or not to shit, that is the question.’

Descartes ‘I shit, therefor i am.’

Nihilism ‘Bad shit will always happen. And then burn it.’

Freudian ‘Shit is a phallic symbol.’

Lawyers ‘For enough money, i can get you out of this shit.’

Acupuncturist ‘Hold still or this will hurt like shit.’

Dog  ’ I just shit in your shoe.’

Cat ‘Dogs are shit.’

Mouse ‘Oh shit a cat!’

Politically Correct ‘Internally processed nutritionally drained biological output happens.’

Einstein  ’Shit is relative.’

Family Gathering ‘Relatives are shit.’

Disneyism ‘Bad shit doesn’t happen here.’

Vegetarianism ‘If it shits, don’t eat it.’

Fatalism ‘Oh shit, it’s going to happen.’

Environmentalism ‘Shit is bio-degradable.’

Statistician ‘Shit is 83.6% likely to happen.’

Hip-hop ‘Motherfuck this shiznit, Beeatch!’

Tantrism ‘Fuck this shit.’

Cynicism ‘We are all full of shit.’

Surrealism ‘Fish happens.